Scars
by Sum1cooler
Summary: We all have scars, some more than others. But it's not how we get them, it's how we cope that is important. Cargan, Carlos angst. Carlos' POV. One shot


I am going on a vacation for the next week so updates will be slow and review will… suck. =[ Sorry. And I have to pack so **sorry for typos.**

This is one of those stories where I explore who I am and my values. How much does your parents mean to you? You don't have to write your answer in the review or review at all, but this story is about what I think of my parents.

**OH, THIS STORY IS NOT BASED ON MY LIFE! So don't call the police or something lol.**

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><p>I look good. I strut through the park, head held high, swinging my huge arms. Girls are swooning around me, admiring my body no doubt. And I must say I look good wearing my wayfarer sunglasses, a pair of converse and a straight fit jean with my shirt dangling from the back pocket. That's right. I am shirtless, showing the world my beautiful, define muscles and I guess, since it is the reason why I am so cool, my war scar, a long slash scar from the top right shoulder through my bottom left abs.<p>

"Oh Carlos." A couple, well actually a few girls shriek, touching my scar. They squeal, jumping with excitement. "Oh god Carlos, you are so sexy."

"Sexier than James?" I smirk, knowing the answer.

"Definitely." They sigh, falling on the grassy park.

"See you later ladies." I wave the back of my hand, continuing foreword. I give my own sigh, thinking about the person I am, the person I became.

This cocky, bodilious, self absorb man I became. I am not Kendall, definitely not James. And I can't be Logan. He is the reason why I have to be this man. I used to be a party, out going person but I guess scars change.

"Carlos!" I tilt my head up, seeing Kendall waving at me to join him.

Shoot, Logan. I awkwardly wave back, noticing an annoyed expression painted on his face. He hates my body ever since I got the scar. He'll hate me more if he knows how I got it.

I quickly grab my shirt and throw it on before sprinting to my best friends and crush.

"What's up guys? Logie?" I give him an individual special smile, my "please love me back" smile.

"Nothing much." James answers pulling Kendall in his arms, coddling his jaw line. "Just flirting with my boyfriend and watching you shirtless, running to us like Bay Watch."

"I wish I can flirt with someone." I hint at Logan. He doesn't care, giving me a cold shoulder.

"Why not-"

"Ahh!" A girl runs up to Carlos.

"Flirt with a fan." Kendall finishes his sentence, annoyed at the overtly ecstatic girl.

"Please... Please." She stutters. I smirk, knowing what she wants, and raise my shirt. She shrieks, feeling up and down my dented line. Logan glares at me as if I did something wrong. No, what is wrong with him? I am just letting people appreciate my body.

"What is your story?" She continues, hands shaking with excitement.

"I guess I should tell you." I playfully say, taking off my glasses and hooking them on the collar of my V-neck shirt.

"Three weeks ago, I was walking home at night from a party and I noticed someone crying in an alleyway. So being curious, I ventured in and saw a drunken man with a knife and a scared little boy on the floor. He yelled 'please don't kill me!' and cried." I act out the part. I have to be convincing.

"And the man laughed and walked closer so I jumped in front of the boy and yelled 'run away.' And you can figure the rest." I wink, making her melt the same way staring into Logan's eyes melts me.

"OH MY GOD! Please Carlos. I want to be your girlfriend." She begs. It's cute and all but I have my eyes on a certain brunette.

"Sorry, I'm in love with someone." I steal a quick glance at him; he still coldly looks the other way.

"Oh ok." She whispers, running away. I could swear she's crying but she is too fast for me to be certain.

"Wow Carlos." Kendall interjects. "That is some story. It's pretty cool."

"I know. But hey, anyone would do the same." I awkwardly laugh, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Ha! That's funny Carlos." James mocks. "I would be too scared to jump in a fight like that... Unless it's my Kendy."

"Thanks Jamie." Kendall says before kissing him.

"Hey Kendall, aren't we going to be late for the movie?" Logan interrupts, showing his watch to the leader.

"Shoot!" Kendall jumps up and pulls his boyfriend. "Let's go."

"Actually, you and James go. I want to talk to Carlos alone." My eyes shoot wide open. Finally Logie notices me. "There is something I want to talk to him about."

James winks at him, whispering "I got you" before dragging Kendall away.

I watch them run out of ear's range before turning to Logan. "So Logie, what do-"

"Why are you making up a story?" Logan abruptly asks sadly, catching me off guard.

"What?"

"The alley story? It's not true Carlos."

"It is true!" I yell defensively, trying to keep calm but lying is harder with Logan. I can weave any story to anyone but to Logan and his intense eyes, it's just difficult. "I would never lie to you."

"Then why are you starting?" There are those piercing eyes making me sweat and tremble.

"I never started."

"So you're lying when you said you want to be my boyfriend?"

"No, that is one hundred percent true. I lo-"

"Then why would you make up a stupid story like that?" He yells, practically anyone can hear us at his vocal level.

"I am not making anything up. Do you think I just like slashing myself because that is so much fun?" I retort sarcastically. Logan shakes his head and folds his arms depressingly. "Aren't you proud of me?" I whisper the question, pained and silently.

Logan jumps off the bench and walks through me. "I can't be proud of liars." He whispers in my ear as he goes away.

"Sorry Logie." I whisper to myself, watching him escape my sight. "I can't tell you the truth."

**In the school parking lot, the next day**

"Yea, you know, things happen all the time." I joke to the crowd around me. They all wear a dreamy expression, listening to another one of my heroic tales. "You just have to be brave and protect people in danger." I smirk, leaning against the back of my car.

"Move!" I clench my teeth, darting my head to the voice. That's Logan's voice. Shoot, he can't see me like this. "Excuse me!" I see waves of students part and a brunette emerges. "Carlos!" He jumps me in a hug.

"H-hi Logie." Too late.

He pulls away, staring at another one of my scar. He's tearing up at my black eye as he gently thumbs the discoloration.

"How did this happen?" He stutters.

"Um... I-"

"He saved another kid yesterday." Stephanie covers.

Logan gives me an incredulous look, all signs of crying disappear in the matter of five words. "Isn't that true Carlos?" He steps back, folding his arms just like yesterday in the park. I open my mouth but no word comes out, not even a sound.

"It is true!" She covers for me again. She is so loyal and perfect... I hate adding another one to my list of lied to. "He was walking home from the park yesterday and he saw a boy getting beaten up by a big scary man. He is so heroic. He jumped into the fight and protected him. And that black eye is a trophy and, and I THINK IT IS SO HOT!" Roars and swooning sighs echo through the crowd, adding more to my guilt while Logan bears a blank, disgusted expression. I'm sorry Logan.

"Just like your cop father." Logan stabs me with those words. No, not like my father. "You are so heroic Carlos." He spits, walking through crowd.

I watch him disappear from me again. Why can't he see I can't tell him the truth?

"God, Carlos. Please tell the story again." Stephanie breaks my trance.

"Oh, ok sure." I whisper unenthusiastically. I can't keep lying if Logan won't like me but I can't tell everyone. So... I have to keep this facade up as long as I can.

...

"Everyone understands the problem?" The teacher asks the class. I still don't understand why I chose this class. "Logan."

"The answer is the OH group is removed from the acid in esterification." He answers. That's the reason why. I hope that if I take harder classes, maybe Logan will recognize me as someone on his level even with my failing grades.

"Right Logan." She praises the star student and continues her lesson plan. He smiles, digging his nose into his notebook. He is so cute when he's studying. The button nose slight inches away from the girly hand written notes; he broke the stereotype that only girls take good notes (I am part of the stereotype).

I sigh, staring at the smile on his face. Why can't I put a smile on his face? Everyone else loves my story, why doesn't he?

_Hi Logie_. I write on a post it and pass it to him. Maybe a happy note when he is happy might get us closer. I pass the note down, watching Logan unfold the paper.

Suddenly, the knowledge induced smile disappears from his face and hope vanishes from my mind. He throws the note back to me.

_Stop bothering me with your words._ He wrote this quickly, nothing like his girly hand writing. I know what is talking about. I don't have to understand chemistry to know Logan is referring to my lies.

_I just want to talk to you :(. You're my beat friend._ I pass back to him, watching the recurring disgusted look on his face. He scratches something on the paper before raising his hand.

"Yes Logan?"

"I have the answer to part B of the question." The teacher beams and nods her head, proudly watching the genius walk to the board. He passes my table, surreptitiously sliding the paper to me.

_Best friends don't lie_. I choke, reading each word. Even written, his words are painful. I pick up my head, watching the smile return to his face as he draws arrows and other weird thingies on the board. I guess they are right, Logan is never wrong, even with me he is never wrong.

Ring! The bell signals the period change. "Logie!" I call after him. "Wait up!" I dash after him. For such an uncoordinated kid, he can sprint a marathon without stop. "Logan, what is the matter with you?" I yell, grabbing his arm three hallways later.

"Sorry Carlos." He flicks my hand and continues walking. "I can't be late for class."

"You have five minutes to walk and your class is right there." I point to the room directly behind him. "I just want to talk to you."

"Don't you mean lie?" He harshly corrects, tapping his foot.

"Why can't you believe me? We knew each other since we were five or something and recently you been acting cold to me."

Logan groans, glaring at his watch. "I don't believe you." He shrugs his shoulders. "I just don't see you doing that."

"I climb trees." I interject. "I play hockey. I, I wrestle with Kendall. I do a lot of stuff, dangerous stuff. If can't see me saving a boy from his fa... a bully, then maybe you don't know me." I sternly yell at him, hoping he doesn't catch my slip.

He sighs again. "Fine I believe you. Are you happy?"

"Yes, that's all I wanted." I happily raise my hand for a high five. He shakes his head apathetically and walks into class, leaving me standing in the hall looking stupid. Not that I care about looking stupid but Logan makes me feel stupid. I wish Logan can just like me back.

**The next day at the park**

I limb through the haven that is Minnesota Square Park. I love this place but right now I can't hate it more. I realize how bumpy the park is, it's like hills everywhere. Well not really hills but small bumps in the ground but with the aches all over my body, an inch bump is another jolt of pain waiting to surge through my body.

"Carlos!" Kendall yells, waving his hand. I groan, pulling on a fake smile, the same fake mask I wear everyday, and walk to my friends. "I see you're wearing a shirt today."

"Yep." I answer cheerfully. "I don't want to advertise my scar."

"Really Carlos?" Logan taunts with a playfully voice. Why is he so perky about me in a shirt? "Take it off." _He knows!_

"Woah Logan!" James yells in surprise. "Wait a minute. Let us leave first!"

"No James." I shake my head blushingly. Normally, I would rip my shirt off if Logan asks me to but not today, not this time. "I am keeping my shirt on."

"Actually no. I want your shirt off." Logan shouts. Why can't he ask me this yesterday?"

"Ok." Kendall awkwardly adds, pulling James up. "We are going to the pool. Come after you guys figure this out." Kendall waves, dragging his boyfriend away.

I wave back. "What is your-"

Logan stops me, pulling me into a harsh, strong kiss. I moan, more than I should be, melting in his impromptu kiss. Maybe he just wanted me shirtless because he wants me. I mean, he is kissing me.

I close my eyes, completely engross by his soft kiss. "Mm... Ou."

"What was that?" Logan pulls back.

"A bird?" I push foreword for another but Logan pulls back more.

"No. That wince? You winced when I touched you."

Shoot, he was groping my body. That wasn't a kiss. He used me to explore my body like a doctor. Freaking Logan has to go doctor during a kiss? "I bit my tongue when you kissed me."

"Carlos, stop lying!" He yells, jumping off the bench. "I thought if I kissed you, maybe you might tell me the truth but no you can't stop lying to me."

"I am-"

"Stop!" He throws his hands at me. "If you say you are not lying, I swear Carlos we are no longer friends." He steps back, turning around.

"Wait Logan." I cry, grabbing his arm. "I-I can't."

"Can't what?"

"You'll hate me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am disgusting."

"Carlos!"

"I hate me!"

"Stop!"

"N-"

Logan presses his lips on mine again, cutting off my rant. "Carlos, what are you talking about?"

I shake my head, tears rolling freely.

"Carlos, please." He sits down, pulling me on his lap. He wipes the wet trails, tilting my head to meet his eyes. "Please tell me."

"You will hate me."

"I promise I won't hate you. I never will hate you." He gives me a quick nod.

I take a final sniffle before peeling my shirt up. He gasps eyes wide open with surprise and disgust swimming in those hazel eyes. "See, you hate me!"

He wraps his arms around my waist.

"Get off Logan!"

"No!" He fights back, nuzzling his chin to the inner of my neck.

"Now you want me?" I yell, clawing his arms off. "What changed? Now you saw my bruises you want me?"

"I want you because you're honest with me." He whispers in my ear, surprisingly calming me down. "I want the real Carlos. The one I can share secrets with and know that they are safe. The one I listen to every night on the phone just gossiping about what the corndogs in your dream say. The one I promise I will always love."

I start crying again. "I-I wish I can just go back and be the same Carlos for you."

"Why can't you?" He asks pity-filled. "You are still the same Carlos."

"No I am not! I have scars."

"I never cared about what you look."

"No." I cut him off, turning around to face him. "I don't care about my body. I'm talking about my hidden scars, the one I hide from everyone."

He stop talking, staring me for a moment. "Maybe..." He whispers lowly, hesitating his words. "Maybe you can share your scars."

"They are my scars alone."

"Mine too, Carlos. Please tell me." Logan pulls me in a hug.

I don't know but being in Logan's protective arms, I feel... safe, strangely a lot safer. "I am the boy in the stories. I am the scared boy and the bully is my dad."

"Mr. Garcia?" He astonishingly yells. "But he is a police officer and is really nice."

"You don't believe me?" I cry. He shakes his head.

"No I believe you but what, how, when did this happened?"

"After mom died."

"Three weeks ago... Right before you got that scar." It clicks in his mind.

I nod my head. "My dad started drinking at night and one night, he cut himself with a knife and he ran to my room." I cry. Logan pats my back, nodding for me to continue. "He yelled that the doctor didn't cut my mom's breast enough and she died because of a cancerous, spreading tumor. So he woke me up, threw me to the wall, took the knife and dragged it across my body." I cry loudly into Logan's shoulder. "And, and he said 'now you won't get breast cancer and leave me' and left me bleeding on the floor."

"I'm so sorry Carlos." Logan cries into my shoulder.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I forced you to tell me. I'm horrible."

"No you had to, I am a liar."

"No! You are Carlos, the same Carlos I love."

"Do you mean it?" I watch him nod, happily smiling that Logan loves me.

"I want you to be my boyfriend."

"Do you mean it?" I shriek through my broken voice. Again he nods, sending me to a blissful world.

"If you let me protect you." He fists his hands. I furrow confusedly.

"What do you mean?"

"I am going to call the police." He pulls out his phone.

"No Logie!" I grab it, pulling out the battery. "You can't call them!"

"Carlos, give it back! And I can't let that monster hurt you."

"He is not a monster!"

"He could have killed you." Again, his truthful words stab me. I know he is right but I can't let him. "He could have killed my boyfriend."

"Logan, please. You can't." I whisper.

"I can't look the other way! I won't let that-"

"He is not a monster!"

"Then what is he?"

"My Papi!" I cry. "No matter what, he is still my Papi. I lost my mom. I can't lose Papi too."

Logan shakes his head. I know he doesn't understand.

"Logan, I know you think I am stupid."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. We watched Law And Order together and you said the kids are stupid because they won't turn in their abusive parents. And at the time I thought they are stupid too... but now being in their shoes, I understand why. They love their parents. And I love mine."

Logan pulls me back into his arm, soaking up my tears with his shirt.

"I know what Papi is doing is wrong but I can take it. I can take it."

"No you can't." Logan finally adds, feeling my trembles. "You can't. You will die."

"But I rather die if Papi is happy."

"I will die if you die." He rubs my spikes, taking a deep breath. "Promise me."

"I won't tell on my dad."

"No, promise me you will call me every night, good or bad. I want to hear your voice."

"And what if... you know?" I gulped.

"Than I will run to your house at night to make sure you are safe. I won't sleep until you are safe."

I am safe, I think as Logan tightens his embrace. "Thanks Logie. I promise to call."

"You have a big heart Carlos." He kisses my head. "You want to protect everyone, good or bad. I love you."

"I love you too... and Logie?" I look into his eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For closing my scars."

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><p>I know. Kill me, hate me for hurting Carlos and have him do nothing. But I have absolute love for my parents and will do anything for them. Through countless yells, nags, spanks, etc, I still love them.<p>

So yea... Think about what your parents mean to you. To me they are everything.

I would end with please review but this time I rather you spend the time thinking about your parents. I think that is better than a review. :)


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